Slugs vs Plaid Boxer Shorts

Yes, that was me wandering outside in the backyard wearing my plaid boxers. Why do you ask?

Because the slugs are winning.

It's a war. Lettuce vs slugs. Radishes vs slugs. Kale, strawberries, green beans, raspberries - all vs slugs.

Even with me, my trusty saltshaker, two grands with their saltshakers, and a handy gardening shovel, the slugs are still winning.

One day, hundreds of years in the future, archeologists will ponder this little plot of highly salted land and try to figure out how the ocean traveled this far inland. That salt plus my assortment of shells and driftwood will complete the evidence.

All joking aside. Die. Slugs. die.

A Note to the Slugs:

I know you have a purpose for decomposing. But my garden does not need decomposing. Go back to the forest and gnaw on some dead and downed tree trunks. Guzzle your way through layers of old leaves. Chomp down weeds and woodsy debris. But leave my garden alone. Thank you.

Sigh.

Maybe plaid boxers do not scare away slugs. Must change hunting attire.